Understanding
by quidditchrox
Summary: Sick of Lily's rejection of his friend, Sirius Black, along with Mary MacDonald decide to show her what she is doing to James and Sirius' friendship with him.


Understanding Herself

It was the Marauders last year at Hogwarts and Sirius Black was getting seriously annoyed by his best friend James Potter pining after one Lily Evans, so he and Lily's best friend decided to get them together. Late one night in January, after everyone had gone to bed, Sirius crept back downstairs to the Gryffindor Common Room to find Mary MacDonald already waiting for him.

"Hey," he muttered sitting down next to her on one of the couches in front of the near extinguished fire in the grate.

"Hi," mumbled Mary back, looking up at him through tired eyes. "So, I've pretty much got a plan ready, i just wanted to see what you thought of it."

"Okay, shoot." said Sirius, settling himself on the cushions.

"Well, i know Lily likes James, I'm her best friend i can see it a mile off. All we have to do is make her admit it to herself and the rest will take care of itself." said Mary a truly mischevious grin creeping onto her face. "You said James had grown up a lot and it was because of Lily, but she still doesn't give him the time of day?"

"Yeah," Sirius answered warily, not quite sure where this was going.

"Well all we have to do is show her that he changed for her, and this is how we do it..."

Sirius listened to the rest of Mary's plan with true enthusiasm along with a little disbelief that Mary, sweet and innocent Mary could be this scheming.

Lily walked into her dorm on the following Tuesday evening to find Mary on her bed sobbing her heart out onto her pillows.

"Oh, honey. What's the matter? Is this about Sirius? OH MY GOD!! What have you DONE to yourself?" The moment Lily saw her best friend properly she nearly fell over. Mary's straight brown hair was now curly and blond, her face caked in make up which Lily could see because of the dirty smudges and tear tracks.

"He said I wasn't his type, so i went and turned myself into his type, i changed my hair and the rest of my appearance, and do you know what he said to me?" Mary wailed.

Lily shook her head almost afraid to hear the answer.

"He said i still wasn't good enough!"

Lily was known for her fierce loyalty to her friends and once Mary saw her face she knew the plan would work. "Please, don't say anything to him!" Mary begged, knowing as she did so that Lily would do the exact opposite of what she asked.

"I'm sorry but he's not getting away with this, that son of a bitch," said Lily before getting up and storming out of the dorm and downstairs to the common room where she knew the Marauders would be, Mary hot on her heels.

"BLACK!" she yelled upon reaching the common room, most of the people in there turned to stare at her including the Marauders.

"Ah, Evans, I thought i heard your dulcet tones," said Sirius getting to his feet and walking over to where Lily was standing.

"How could you? How could you after she changed for you, say that she wasn't good enough?" Lily demanded in a deathly quiet voice so no one but Sirius could hear her. She didn't want the whole of Hogwarts discussing her friend's private life the way they all dicusssed hers.

"Let me ask you something. Doesn't this situation sound more than a little farmiliar? Think of it in the terms of my best friend instead of yours and tell me you didn't realise it before now. He's crazy about you and changed for you, and you not noticing that is like you telling him that he's not good enough for you."

In the grip of a tangle of barely controled emotions Lily made her way out of the portrait hole ignoring as she did so Mary shouting after her. Her feelings were bubbling so close beneath the surface that it was a wonder she did not stop and start screaming in the middle of the corridor until she was blue in the face. Instead she walked out of the castle across the grounds to the edge of the lake where she finally stopped. She stripped down to her underwear and waded into the lake until she was waist deep. Her exposed body was covered in goosebumps but she still took a deep breath, plunged herself under the water and propelled herself forward using her arms and legs. She put all her frustration and emotions onto her muscles while the freezing water made her brain grind into action.

She felt very confused because although she was aware that James had changed, she had no idea that he'd done it for her. Lily wondered if perhaps Sirius felt about her the way she'd felt about him not twenty minutes ago, outraged at her rejection of his friend, even though he had obviously changed from what he used to be.

She felt angry and hurt because her best friend had willingly deceived her to help Sirius make a point. Lily also felt jealous of Mary and the uncomplicatedness of her life, true Lily had made her own life complicated and it was no one's fault but her own but she craved the simplicity. She was in love with James, she'd fancied him since second year and over time it had grown to love, not that she'd told anyone or even admitted it to herself before now. She'd denied it to herself, she told herself that he could never be serious about how he felt about her, she told herself that he was only in it for the chase and once he had her he'd break her heart.

The thought process she went through to explain all of this to herself took her two hours of gentle swimming and another hour was given to the consideration of what she should do now. Eventually she realised that she had two options, tell James how she felt, and had always felt, or carry on the way she had been until she couldn't bottle her emotions anymore.

She, upon pulling herself almost frozen stiff from the lake, decided on the latter, she was too much of a coward to suffer the posibilty of rejection the way James had at her hands numerous times over the years.

"Lily! What the hell have you been doing?" Mary practically yelled jumping up from where she had been sitting with the Marauders when Lily walked into the common room.

"Nothing," was all Lily answered with.

"Oh really? So why is your hair all wet?"

"Sorry 'mum' i didn't know you had such a strict policy against swimming." said Lily sarcastically.

"No need to be such a bitch," Mary said with a hurt frown.

"Oh but Mary, you know fine well, i am a bitch and so are you." said Lily brushing past her friend.

For the next week Lily's mood swings were severe and anyone that got in her way instantly regretted it. She was more prone to shouting at people than she ever had been before. Mary was afraid to approach her but knew Lily well enough to know that this was her way of protecting herself. Finally James had had enough and cornered Lily in the empty common room late one evening, determined to talk to her.

"So," he said.

"What?" Lily snapped.

"That's exactly what i wanted to talk to you about," said James, sitting down beside her uninvited.

"Seriously, what d'you want?"

"To find out why you're being such a bitch to everyone," said James.

Lily looked at him for a few seconds then looked away at the ground mortified at the tears welling in her eyes.

"What's been wrong with you?" he asked softly. "You yelled at third years yesterday for laughing too loudly."

Lily tried to blink back the tears but all she succeeded in doing was making them roll down her cheeks. Startled all James could do was sit there watching Lily cry silently, tears pouring down her cheeks, feeling entirely helpless.

"I'm sorry, I have to go," she said impatiently brushing the tears away and standing up.

"Don't, don't go yet. I have to talk to you," James said grabbing Lily's hand and pulling her back down.

"What is it you want?" she asked her voice trembling.

"I just want to know why you're acting like this."

"I'm trying to supress some stuff."

"What stuff?"

"I don't feel comfortable saying."

"Please, whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

"Fine you really want to know?"

"Yes, i really want to know."

"And you won't freak out or laugh at me or anything?"

"Oh God, you're not in love with Sirius are you? Please tell me you're not," begged James.

Lily smiled. "No I'm definately not in love with Sirius. But I -" she paused terrified of saying it out loud.

"Just say it," James encouraged her.

"I like you. I've fancied you since second year even though i never told anyone. So now i'm just gonna - yeah," she got up again and walked slowly towards the girls staircase feeling like a prize idiot, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Lily," came James's voice extremely close behind her.

"Yeah?" she said without turning around, the tears slipping, without her consent, down her cheeks. She told him how she felt and he didn't say anything, just sat there staring at her.

"Look at me," he said softly, his hands gripping her upper arms.

"No," she said,hating herself because she could hear her voice trembling.

James turned her quickly and upon seeing her face pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.

"What's wrong?" he asked her as she buried her face in his chest.

"I have to go," Lily said trying unsuccessfully to pull away.

"Is it because i didn't say anything?" he asked, but Lily remained stubbornly silent. "Cos you've gotta understand after five years of being rejected i finally find out you liked me all along, it kinda throws a guy. But i thought I'd made it pretty clear before now that i really, really like you, always have, always will."

Lily looked up at him feeling completely out of sorts, it was the first time she'd ever voiced her real feelings and it was turning out better than she'd ever dared hope. James put a hand on each of Lily's cheeks and tenderly wiped away her tears with his thumbs while his eyes scanned her face, halting at her lips. For a few seconds his eyes flitted between Lily's eyes and lips and when she didn't pull away, he leaned down and gently brushed his lips against hers, a short sweet kiss that didn't linger.

When he pulled away Lily let out a breath she didn't even know she had been holding.

"Nervous?" he asked softly.

She smiled up at him, for the first time ever she didn't feel nervous around James. "No," she said completely truthfully. He leaned back down and captured her lips a second time in a hard passionate kiss, locked in a tight embrace in the middle of Gryffindor common room.

"So, that's what's been wrong with you," came Mary's voice from the direction of the boys dorms.

James and Lily pulled apart to find their fiends crowded at the bottom of the boys staircase staring at the two of them.

"Uh, yeah, kinda," she said shyly looking at the floor, feeling butterflies erupt in her stomach when James put his arm around her waist.


End file.
